So, it's been a while..... and I feel more lost and alone now than ever. I just got done working out with my cousin (my new accountability partner) and I let my dog out and I'm sitting here trying to figure out which way is up, oh and I'm BBQ'ing dinner at 8pm at night!!! Yep, it's one of those days. But this whole week has been one of those "days". Yesterday was so bad that at 5pm I told the boss I was leaving and would be back at 6:45. I knew I was at my breaking point with BS and "crap" that I had to get out and go work out or I was going to blow up. He didn't believe me...... But there I went. And the first thing the teacher said was "let's clear our mind"..... my gosh... if only I could. So we did our first "hill" (It was a cycleLates class) and I seemed to forget why I was mad.... I seemed to forget why my day was so bad (granted I was pissy from the moment I woke up)..... I finally was where I needed to be! Now mind you if this was last week or the week before I would have just went home and ate my sorrows..... but not yesterday.... nope, I felt my body telling me I needed more than food I needed substance. I needed sweat!!! Man on man... I got off the bike did the Pilates part of the work out and then went to work for TWO hours and felt better about life!!! But I was driving the whole 3 blocks back to my house from work thinking, how did I get so lost? Where did I make the wrong turn? How did I fall off the wagon.... better yet who the hell pushed me off the wagon? I was doing so great, I was on a roll... I was losing weight and doing what needed to be done. How does this happen?
So I think I'm back on the wagon..... I have my accountability partner in place and when I skipped my work out monday she sent me a not so nice email..... and I'm back to eating healthy (for the most part) and I'm back to blogging. I'm hoping all this keeps me on the wagon and to the SOB that pushed me off... SHAME on you!!! Now, let's get this wagon moving in the right direction and moving full steam ahead!!!
Wednesday, April 9, 2014
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Another day.... another chance... feel free to CHANGE
Well, it's been a while and like everyone else...things have changed a great deal. Life has gotten busier, hours get used up, sleep gets sparse. But what have you accomplished? Can you happily look back and be proud of where you came from? Everyone has a past yes, and not all of them make us proud. But in the last 7 months (with the last day of July being tomorrow) what do you have to show for SEVEN months? Now is a time for change.... and it doesn't have to be a big one... just make ONE small change. Once that change isn't a change anymore b/c you do it regularly make another small change and before you know it you will be closer to your goal than you ever thought you would be.
I saw the above quote today and was challenged to start up my blog again. As many of you know my best friend and son were murdered October 1, 2011. The trial has come and went (June 2013) and now I'm ready to make a change. I'm ready to start living they way they want....and that my friends is going to call for CHANGES. I'm not one to make changes but this morning that change happened, granted I'm only ONE day down....but tomorrow my little change will be just a little larger. Let me tell you about my little change..........
I got up this morning at 4am (I'm not a morning person) and was at the gym by 4:45 for my 5am class... I signed up for a monthly pass and was ready for my Triple Threat class! (yeah right... I was ready to go back to bed!) And after class the teacher asked me if I was staying for TRX and I looked at her and smiled.... I wanted to say "this fluffy chick doesn't do more than one class at a time".... but she came back... "You are already here so you might as well stay".... so guess what... I stayed! And I'm happy that I did. :-)
I challenge you to make ONE small change and once that comes regular then add one more small change. You have 5 more months until the end of the year. Make the last 5 months count! I plan on making one small change a day...... will you?
- Kimberly
I saw the above quote today and was challenged to start up my blog again. As many of you know my best friend and son were murdered October 1, 2011. The trial has come and went (June 2013) and now I'm ready to make a change. I'm ready to start living they way they want....and that my friends is going to call for CHANGES. I'm not one to make changes but this morning that change happened, granted I'm only ONE day down....but tomorrow my little change will be just a little larger. Let me tell you about my little change..........
I got up this morning at 4am (I'm not a morning person) and was at the gym by 4:45 for my 5am class... I signed up for a monthly pass and was ready for my Triple Threat class! (yeah right... I was ready to go back to bed!) And after class the teacher asked me if I was staying for TRX and I looked at her and smiled.... I wanted to say "this fluffy chick doesn't do more than one class at a time".... but she came back... "You are already here so you might as well stay".... so guess what... I stayed! And I'm happy that I did. :-)
I challenge you to make ONE small change and once that comes regular then add one more small change. You have 5 more months until the end of the year. Make the last 5 months count! I plan on making one small change a day...... will you?
- Kimberly
Monday, December 31, 2012
New Year and Pretty Woman!!!
Well 2012 is almost over and done with. Everyone asks where the year went..... But I personally know where it went.... I wasted it. Every single minute. I used every excuse in the book to try to make me feel better. And honestly it didn't work (but I'm sure you already knew that). I am not one to make "New Years resolutions" b/c I feel like that only sets me up for failure. Some say it is all about setting goals and sticking to them.... But maybe I need to write my goals down and make them visible and where I can see them daily.
But on to watching Pretty Woman..... Really this is a feeling I think every female should feel. Honestly I can say I've come close but NEVER got to keep the feeling. But maybe her life is like my weight loss "career". I know it's a life style change. Edward helped Viviane change her life granted from a very extreme circumstance, that we all would want to be swept off our feet, but she had him help her go back to school and help her find her personal worth. That she is better than that. Maybe that is what I need in my personal life. Someone to help me find my personal networth. Granted I know I have people that love me and support me and are there for me..... But I am in need of more.... Don't know what that is but it's time to put me first.
But on to watching Pretty Woman..... Really this is a feeling I think every female should feel. Honestly I can say I've come close but NEVER got to keep the feeling. But maybe her life is like my weight loss "career". I know it's a life style change. Edward helped Viviane change her life granted from a very extreme circumstance, that we all would want to be swept off our feet, but she had him help her go back to school and help her find her personal worth. That she is better than that. Maybe that is what I need in my personal life. Someone to help me find my personal networth. Granted I know I have people that love me and support me and are there for me..... But I am in need of more.... Don't know what that is but it's time to put me first.
Sunday, July 8, 2012
The task ahead of us is NEVER as GREAT as the power behind us!!
As promised here is my goals for the next 30 days, but first as I was sitting at the laundry mat I got a feeling and just starting writing...sometimes I do my best writing there... I don't understand....but here is a part of what I wrote...promise I won't share the full FOUR pages!! :-)
********************
7-8-12
Well another 2 months has come and went (since I wrote in my journal) ~ as well as another birthday! Some days I just wonder if I'm meant to be just going through the motions or if I'm meant for something so much greater and so much better. But if I don't change my attitude or my life then do I really deserve something better? I mean I've had a bad 18 months but why am I letting that define me? Some people think I need to go seek help but how can I get help from someone that doesn't know what I'm going through? My mom said drugs are wonderful ~ but I don't want feel drugs are going to make a difference or even make Jane and William come back! That's all I want! I want my my normal life back! I want my motivation (which was Jane) back! I want my life back!
Today is the day I will try my best to start living for me! I have out line my work out plan for the next 30 days! My morning work outs to my evening work outs! My food journal or plan is next! I need to get my food in check and I will need to start getting healthy and learn to handle my stress a lot better. Sitting at home is not cutting it anymore. I'm not setting a weight loss goal only because I know if I focus on the healthy things that the weight will naturally come off!
***********
WOW... can't believe I just shared my thoughts and feelings....people that know me really well, know that a lot of what I just wrote is personal. But maybe it's time to get the truth out there....maybe this is what I need to keep me on track.... this way it's made public and now I know I have others holding me accountable for my actions. I don't know what it honestly means other than I know someone else is out there going through the same thing and maybe they will find some motivation or help knowing someone else feels their pain and is walking their same path.
So my goal and my "schedule" is as follows and yes it may change a little bit, but I have 37 work outs planned for the next 30 days (starting Monday).... along with my 30 day water challenge that my friend challenged me too! :-O (this is just drinking water for the next 30 days... no tea, no soda no NOTHING other than the God given H2O!)
Monday: 5am walk on my treadmill (at least 2 miles)
6pm ZUMBA
Tuesday: 5am walk on my treadmill (at least 2 miles)
6pm coaching and maybe a class after (coaching is the easy part not much activity)
Wednesday: 5:30am cyclates (this is 30 minutes Cycling and 30 minutes Pilate's)
6pm ZUMBA
Thursday: 5am walk on my treadmill (at least 2 miles)
6pm coaching and maybe a class after (with her mom)
Friday: 5:30 Cyclates (same as above)
PM.... I'M OFF!!!!! :-)
Saturday: 9am ZUMBA
Sunday: OFF so that means POOL TIME!!!!!! (gotta start dreaming of my bikini!)
Yes, some may say this is too much, but honestly..... I see a lot of fun in this schedule (that's the Zumba and maybe watching a movie while on my treadmill!). The only class or activity that I see is going to be out of my comfort zone is the Cyclelates. Not only b/c I'm not a fan of cycling.... (only b/c do fluffy people cycle?!?!?) but Pilate's....and having the feeling that I am going to be the only FAT person in exercise class! That is always my biggest fear! But, the only way to get to my goal of being healthy and happy is MAKING THE FIRST STEP! So tomorrow.... I will make MY FIRST STEP!!!
WISH ME LUCK!
Kimberly
********************
7-8-12
Well another 2 months has come and went (since I wrote in my journal) ~ as well as another birthday! Some days I just wonder if I'm meant to be just going through the motions or if I'm meant for something so much greater and so much better. But if I don't change my attitude or my life then do I really deserve something better? I mean I've had a bad 18 months but why am I letting that define me? Some people think I need to go seek help but how can I get help from someone that doesn't know what I'm going through? My mom said drugs are wonderful ~ but I don't want feel drugs are going to make a difference or even make Jane and William come back! That's all I want! I want my my normal life back! I want my motivation (which was Jane) back! I want my life back!
Today is the day I will try my best to start living for me! I have out line my work out plan for the next 30 days! My morning work outs to my evening work outs! My food journal or plan is next! I need to get my food in check and I will need to start getting healthy and learn to handle my stress a lot better. Sitting at home is not cutting it anymore. I'm not setting a weight loss goal only because I know if I focus on the healthy things that the weight will naturally come off!
***********
WOW... can't believe I just shared my thoughts and feelings....people that know me really well, know that a lot of what I just wrote is personal. But maybe it's time to get the truth out there....maybe this is what I need to keep me on track.... this way it's made public and now I know I have others holding me accountable for my actions. I don't know what it honestly means other than I know someone else is out there going through the same thing and maybe they will find some motivation or help knowing someone else feels their pain and is walking their same path.
So my goal and my "schedule" is as follows and yes it may change a little bit, but I have 37 work outs planned for the next 30 days (starting Monday).... along with my 30 day water challenge that my friend challenged me too! :-O (this is just drinking water for the next 30 days... no tea, no soda no NOTHING other than the God given H2O!)
Monday: 5am walk on my treadmill (at least 2 miles)
6pm ZUMBA
Tuesday: 5am walk on my treadmill (at least 2 miles)
6pm coaching and maybe a class after (coaching is the easy part not much activity)
Wednesday: 5:30am cyclates (this is 30 minutes Cycling and 30 minutes Pilate's)
6pm ZUMBA
Thursday: 5am walk on my treadmill (at least 2 miles)
6pm coaching and maybe a class after (with her mom)
Friday: 5:30 Cyclates (same as above)
PM.... I'M OFF!!!!! :-)
Saturday: 9am ZUMBA
Sunday: OFF so that means POOL TIME!!!!!! (gotta start dreaming of my bikini!)
Yes, some may say this is too much, but honestly..... I see a lot of fun in this schedule (that's the Zumba and maybe watching a movie while on my treadmill!). The only class or activity that I see is going to be out of my comfort zone is the Cyclelates. Not only b/c I'm not a fan of cycling.... (only b/c do fluffy people cycle?!?!?) but Pilate's....and having the feeling that I am going to be the only FAT person in exercise class! That is always my biggest fear! But, the only way to get to my goal of being healthy and happy is MAKING THE FIRST STEP! So tomorrow.... I will make MY FIRST STEP!!!
WISH ME LUCK!
Kimberly
Thursday, July 5, 2012
Thoughts and maybe logic......
Well.... as I sit here all nasty and sweaty I look back to how my day went. It sure didn't start the way I had envisioned or hoped it would...... I didn't get out of bed until 7:15 and I have to be to work at 8am!! :( So needless to say the "new year" isn't off to a very swell start.... but this weekend my goal is to PLAN my journey.... I'm going to map out what I am going to eat and when I am going to work out and where. I am going to start taking a cycling class that also does Pilate's (30 minutes of each) 2 days a week and then Zumba 2 days a week and coach basketball 2 days a week..... and then take a class with her mom 1 day a week.... sounds like a lot....but I think some of it would be considered FUN! Yes, I said working out is FUN..... take today for instance; my boss left work at 4:30 and I was shortly behind at 4:45. I knew I was coaching tonight at 5:30 and if I was going to go home I would NOT get back out (even though I live 2 blocks from the gym!) and so I went and WORKED OUT!!! I got a 30 minute bike ride in BEFORE I coached!!! And let me tell you that actually felt good. That is the first time I have worked out since surgery... yeah, I did a walking group, but I busted it on the bike..... I wouldn't let my RPM's (whatever those are) go below 90!!!! Then after I really wanted to do the UBE (some arm bike thing) and I did about 4 minutes and was done.... the thing wasn't really working.... :-( But I did instead of going to Burger King and McDonald's (passed them both) I went to SUBWAY..... and that actually got me thinking even more...... why is it that when you work out you eat better???? Seriously..... McDonald's would have been cheaper and so would Burger King, but after busting my butt I didn't feel like putting that in my body..... I just don't understand...
Anyway... Expect my goals and my plans by the end of the weekend and I'm sure I will be packing my gym bag for some time at the gym yet again tomorrow. I kind of like the way I feel tonight!!! (other than hot and sweaty!)
Have a great evening!!!!
Kimberly
Anyway... Expect my goals and my plans by the end of the weekend and I'm sure I will be packing my gym bag for some time at the gym yet again tomorrow. I kind of like the way I feel tonight!!! (other than hot and sweaty!)
Have a great evening!!!!
Kimberly
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
HAPPY NEW YEAR!?!?!?!?!!!!!!!
WOW..... Does that saying hit home in a lot of ways..... as my birthday came and went yesterday (the 25th) I was reminded how I now have a "fresh" start to a whole new year.......and it got me thinking, does that person not know when January 1st is? I mean it's only JUNE.... what are they talking about? So I went home after stuffing my face with my birthday lunch and thought long and hard what that really meant. And really it is a new beginning! I'm a year older and my year began June 25th (I won't say the year b/c I feel OLD) and so this my friends is my HAPPY NEW YEAR celebration!!!!!
As many know the last couple years have been rocky for me, but the last 9 months have really tested me and put me through what NO ONE should EVER be put through (in my own opinion!) Starting September 6th I had "minor" foot surgery....yeah right that stuff HURT and knocked me out for a LONG time.... I'm still trying to get back to wearing shoes!! October1st (they think) my best friend and her son were murdered out in Maryland. Now that took the wind from my sails. At first they thought William was just missing and so there was a glimmer of hope that he was still out there and some day I would see him again....but that became false when they found his precious body in the woods...... they were my life! They were at my house 7 days a week and it was never a dull moment. I flew out to Maryland for the services of these 2 great people (with out my doctor knowing!) to show my respect and say my good byes, but knowing that I was the last one to talk to her, I knew she knew I loved her and missed her, so I was okay in that field.....but gosh we talked A LOT and she was my BEST FRIEND and will be missed!!! While all of this is going on, I was also going through a messy divorce (I was living in Illinois and he was living in our house in Maryland), and the closer to the end we got the further away we really were to finding a resolution!!
So today at work I was thinking about starting my blog back up and trying to figure out how do I start this bad boy back up? How do I pick up in the middle of a successful weight loss journey knowing that I gained 30 pounds of the 65 that I lost? How do I stay true to my words that I'm in this journey for life? I'm here to motivate others and keep them on track? Well this is how I do it.... it's a NEW YEAR and I need to stay faithful to journaling and tracking and just laying life out there. Someone has gone through what I went through or they will go through what I went through (not that I would EVER wish it on anyone!), so let's ban together and get back on track if you aren't and help stay on track if you are!!
Thanks for your patience while I figure life out and hope to catch you soon!!
Kimberly
As many know the last couple years have been rocky for me, but the last 9 months have really tested me and put me through what NO ONE should EVER be put through (in my own opinion!) Starting September 6th I had "minor" foot surgery....yeah right that stuff HURT and knocked me out for a LONG time.... I'm still trying to get back to wearing shoes!! October1st (they think) my best friend and her son were murdered out in Maryland. Now that took the wind from my sails. At first they thought William was just missing and so there was a glimmer of hope that he was still out there and some day I would see him again....but that became false when they found his precious body in the woods...... they were my life! They were at my house 7 days a week and it was never a dull moment. I flew out to Maryland for the services of these 2 great people (with out my doctor knowing!) to show my respect and say my good byes, but knowing that I was the last one to talk to her, I knew she knew I loved her and missed her, so I was okay in that field.....but gosh we talked A LOT and she was my BEST FRIEND and will be missed!!! While all of this is going on, I was also going through a messy divorce (I was living in Illinois and he was living in our house in Maryland), and the closer to the end we got the further away we really were to finding a resolution!!
So today at work I was thinking about starting my blog back up and trying to figure out how do I start this bad boy back up? How do I pick up in the middle of a successful weight loss journey knowing that I gained 30 pounds of the 65 that I lost? How do I stay true to my words that I'm in this journey for life? I'm here to motivate others and keep them on track? Well this is how I do it.... it's a NEW YEAR and I need to stay faithful to journaling and tracking and just laying life out there. Someone has gone through what I went through or they will go through what I went through (not that I would EVER wish it on anyone!), so let's ban together and get back on track if you aren't and help stay on track if you are!!
Thanks for your patience while I figure life out and hope to catch you soon!!
Kimberly
Monday, February 13, 2012
This too shall pass....
Is anyone tired of hearing this line? I know I am.... but I'm going to keep this one short and get it out of my system.... I've been trying to write this for almost 2 weeks.... I miss blogging but my biggest fan isn't here anymore and I'm saddened and just trying to go on....
I know after the short break that I have lost a lot of followers, but we lost the one that is more near and dear to my heart! My best friend and her son were murdered October 1st. This is something that for me has been really hard to understand and really hard to make sense of. For the past 3 months I have been in a fog and just taking life and going through the motions and hearing..... She doesn't want you to be unhappy or she doesn't want this or that....but really?!?!? NONE of these people that are telling me this knew her or met her. Yeah, I know Jane didn't EVER want to see me cry (but trust me she has), she doesn't want to see me unhappy or anything like that....for Pete's Sake, she saved my life from my abusive husband. But why couldn't I repay the favor? Why couldn't I save her life? I mean I was the last one to talk to her...... 6 hours later she's gone....... The sad thing is that they didn't find her body until October 12th...... only a couple hours after I sent her a text that I needed to talk to her to talk about how and when I needed her to come to Quincy to help me with my divorce since she and William where the only witnesses to the abuse. So I was selfish and mad that now I had to fight the fight that SHE wanted me to fight alone and not only that..... knowing she wouldn't be there for me to celebrate or be there for me to cry on if it didn't go the way we wanted. How could I have saved this from happening to my best friend.... to my life! To my world. She should be calling me and telling me how William is doing in Basketball...they were sooo excited when I took the coaching job that in December I finally had to let it go b/c I couldn't emotionally do it anymore..... She missed her niece's 3rd birthday.... Belle NEVER got a call from her Aunt and cousin singing Happy Birthday to her. I know she misses them...William would call and ask if Belle could talk, so I would have to put him on speaker phone and she would just go CRAZY!!!!! Then Aunt Jane would get on the phone and she would start crying.....she missed them so much and me being the bad mom we never went out there this past summer. WHY!?!?!?
So anyway, I'm done ranting and crying for today... I promise I will get back on the wagon once I get my Internet on at home or figured out I should say.... and I promise Jane and William I will get back on the wagon and lose these unwanted pounds and make them proud of me. I remember when Jane told William that I lost 50 pounds and he couldn't get his head around it until I said well Belle weighs 45! Then he was like WOW..... he was so proud... Jane said he was smiling from ear to ear! That's what I want... I want to make them proud that they are smiling from ear to ear!!!
RIP Jane and William... I love and miss you both like you will NOT believe!!!
Kimberly
I know after the short break that I have lost a lot of followers, but we lost the one that is more near and dear to my heart! My best friend and her son were murdered October 1st. This is something that for me has been really hard to understand and really hard to make sense of. For the past 3 months I have been in a fog and just taking life and going through the motions and hearing..... She doesn't want you to be unhappy or she doesn't want this or that....but really?!?!? NONE of these people that are telling me this knew her or met her. Yeah, I know Jane didn't EVER want to see me cry (but trust me she has), she doesn't want to see me unhappy or anything like that....for Pete's Sake, she saved my life from my abusive husband. But why couldn't I repay the favor? Why couldn't I save her life? I mean I was the last one to talk to her...... 6 hours later she's gone....... The sad thing is that they didn't find her body until October 12th...... only a couple hours after I sent her a text that I needed to talk to her to talk about how and when I needed her to come to Quincy to help me with my divorce since she and William where the only witnesses to the abuse. So I was selfish and mad that now I had to fight the fight that SHE wanted me to fight alone and not only that..... knowing she wouldn't be there for me to celebrate or be there for me to cry on if it didn't go the way we wanted. How could I have saved this from happening to my best friend.... to my life! To my world. She should be calling me and telling me how William is doing in Basketball...they were sooo excited when I took the coaching job that in December I finally had to let it go b/c I couldn't emotionally do it anymore..... She missed her niece's 3rd birthday.... Belle NEVER got a call from her Aunt and cousin singing Happy Birthday to her. I know she misses them...William would call and ask if Belle could talk, so I would have to put him on speaker phone and she would just go CRAZY!!!!! Then Aunt Jane would get on the phone and she would start crying.....she missed them so much and me being the bad mom we never went out there this past summer. WHY!?!?!?
So anyway, I'm done ranting and crying for today... I promise I will get back on the wagon once I get my Internet on at home or figured out I should say.... and I promise Jane and William I will get back on the wagon and lose these unwanted pounds and make them proud of me. I remember when Jane told William that I lost 50 pounds and he couldn't get his head around it until I said well Belle weighs 45! Then he was like WOW..... he was so proud... Jane said he was smiling from ear to ear! That's what I want... I want to make them proud that they are smiling from ear to ear!!!
RIP Jane and William... I love and miss you both like you will NOT believe!!!
Kimberly
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