This too shall pass....

Is anyone tired of hearing this line?  I know I am.... but I'm going to keep this one short and get it out of my system.... I've been trying to write this for almost 2 weeks.... I miss blogging but my biggest fan isn't here anymore and I'm saddened and just trying to go on....

I know after the short break that I have lost a lot of followers, but we lost the one that is more near and dear to my heart!  My best friend and her son were murdered October 1st.  This is something that for me has been really hard to understand and really hard to make sense of.  For the past 3 months I have been in a fog and just taking life and going through the motions and hearing..... She doesn't want you to be unhappy or she doesn't want this or that....but really?!?!? NONE of these people that are telling me this knew her or met her.  Yeah, I know Jane didn't EVER want to see me cry (but trust me she has), she doesn't want to see me unhappy or anything like that....for Pete's Sake, she saved my life from my abusive husband.  But why couldn't I repay the favor?  Why couldn't I save her life?  I mean I was the last one to talk to her...... 6 hours later she's gone....... The sad thing is that they didn't find her body until October 12th...... only a couple hours after I sent her a text that I needed to talk to her to talk about how and when I needed her to come to Quincy to help me with my divorce since she and William where the only witnesses to the abuse.  So I was selfish and mad that now I had to fight the fight that SHE wanted me to fight alone and not only that..... knowing she wouldn't be there for me to celebrate or be there for me to cry on if it didn't go the way we wanted.  How could I have saved this from happening to my best friend.... to my life!  To my world.  She should be calling me and telling me how William is doing in Basketball...they were sooo excited when I took the coaching job that in December I finally had to let it go b/c I couldn't emotionally do it anymore..... She missed her niece's 3rd birthday.... Belle NEVER got a call from her Aunt and cousin singing Happy Birthday to her.  I know she misses them...William would call and ask if Belle could talk, so I would have to put him on speaker phone and she would just go CRAZY!!!!!  Then Aunt Jane would get on the phone and she would start crying.....she missed them so much and me being the bad mom we never went out there this past summer.  WHY!?!?!? 

So anyway, I'm done ranting and crying for today... I promise I will get back on the wagon once I get my Internet on at home or figured out I should say.... and I promise Jane and William I will get back on the wagon and lose these unwanted pounds and make them proud of me.  I remember when Jane told William that I lost 50 pounds and he couldn't get his head around it until I said well Belle weighs 45!  Then he was like WOW..... he was so proud... Jane said he was smiling from ear to ear!  That's what I want... I want to make them proud that they are smiling from ear to ear!!! 

RIP Jane and William... I love and miss you both like you will NOT believe!!!
Kimberly